


"Dad, Can't You Hear Me?"

by whereyoustand



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Ethan deserves better, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22376680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whereyoustand/pseuds/whereyoustand
Summary: Ethan took a moment as Vik brought in a cup of water. He took a sip and thought for a second. He should tell them. It was eating him alive."I did lie. About my dad, I do remember him." Ethan started. "I just don't want to."OREthan opens up about his dad, the sidemen don't realise how truly scary it is.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	"Dad, Can't You Hear Me?"

"Do you miss your dad?" JJ asked in character. Ethan's mouth ran dry.

"No." He replied. "He's a prick."

"How would you know?" Vik commented. "I thought he left before you remember?"

"Yeah, I couldn't imagine not knowing my dad," Simon added.

Ethan suddenly felt a phantom hand at his neck and he reached up to feel nothing there. He felt overwhelmed by the idea of his dad that haunted him in and out of his dreams. He felt tears reach his eyes as he remembered what his dad did.

"Get this off me," Ethan whispered, voice trapped in his throat.

"What?" JJ asked, going out of character. Realising that something was wrong with his friend.

"Get this fucking thing off me!" Ethan yelled, pulling at the wires anxiously. The other friends flinched at the sudden violent actions of their friends. Simon was quick to jump up and help unhook Ethan. Ethan jumped out of his seat and ran to the bathroom. He sat down next to the toilet and took a deep breath.

'Breath,' He thought to himself. 'They don't know.'

There was a knock on the door pulling Ethan from his thoughts.

"Hey mate, you alright?" Tobi's voice asked through the door. Ethan didn't reply, staring into space as he recalled the way his dad lifted him and threw him at a wall. Ethan gagged before emptying his stomach into the toilet.

"Shit!" Tobi opened the door and sighed. He rubbed Ethan's back and whispered, "It's okay, let it out."

Ethan threw up again and cried gently.

"Everything alright?" The men went up to the bathroom and frowned at the sight.

Ethan gagged again and took a deep breath.

"You eat something weird?" Josh asked.

Ethan shook his head, "No, sorry, just need a moment."

"What happened?"

Ethan took a moment as Vik brought in a cup of water. He took a sip and thought for a second. He should tell them. It was eating him alive.

"I did lie. About my dad, I do remember him." Ethan started. "I just don't want to."

"Why not?"

"He used to push me and mum around. He hit me, a lot, and mum. He got her pregnant so she wouldn't leave him. My dad didn't walk out, he is currently serving time in prison and my mum has a restraining order against him."

"Sorry, man."

Ethan gritted his teeth. "He hit mum so hard, I had to call 999. I was a six-year-old and yet I saw my dad beat my mum until she couldn't move. That asshole beat me black and blue so many times I couldn't go to school. I remember, he grabbed me by the throat and strangled me against the wall. I was six." Ethan whimpered. "He was so close to killing me and my mum. He could've done it easily."

"Ethan you don't have to-"

But Ethan had already been opened so he couldn't stop spilling.

"I remember begging him to stop. Screaming at him. 'Dad you're going to kill me'! He kept punching, I couldn't breathe! 'Dad, can't you hear me? I'm your son! This isn't what the other dads do! You're supposed to love me!'" Ethan's lip wobbled as he recalled the memory. "I was his son and he tried to kill me! He even went as far to poor shampoo in my eyes when I annoyed him too much."

"You don't have to tell us, Ethan." Tobi bent down to sit next to his friend. "We're sorry for all the jokes we made. We never knew. We can't take them back but we'll be wearier next time, okay?"

Ethan stared at his hands. "I believed for so long that I was the reason for his doing. I deserved to get beaten."

"You know that you don't, right?" Josh said.

When Ethan didn't reply he continued, "Ethan, you are valid and what your dad did to you is not your fault. He was a horrible man who used you to get his violence out. Don't put down what happened to you. What happened to you is traumatic."

"Did you get help?" JJ asked.

Ethan nodded. "Yeah, I went to the same therapist for five years. He was the most reassuring subject to talk about. I couldn't talk to any grown man for a while."

"Shit, mate." Simon ran a hand through his hair. " We're so sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not," Vik said. "He hurt you! He almost killed you."

Ethan closed his eyes and huffed out a laugh. "The thought of him makes me throw up, how bad is that?"

"You went through a trauma, people react in different ways to that," Vik said. "If you ever need to talk. We're all here."

"Thank you." Ethan took another sip of the water. "Sorry, let's just keep filming." 

"It's alright. Take a breather and we can get back to shit." Tobi muttered.

"It's fine. I'm okay." Ethan said.

"Can I ask you something?" Harry asked. Ethan nodded, eyebrows furrowed. "That time we went out dinner and you refused to go to the bar? Because of the bartender?"

"He looked like my dad." Ethan stuttered. "I- I couldn't get near him."

Harry nodded.

"It just happens sometimes," Ethan explained. "I get overwhelmed, I need to leave and so I go. Sometimes I have panic attacks over it and need to be alone." Ethan shrugged.

"Just let us know next time," Josh whispered. "We're here for you."

Ethan nodded slowly and rubbed a hand over his face.

"Shit. Give me a moment to clean myself up and I'll be back, okay?" Ethan smiled and stood up. The men nodded and walked away. Ethan stood up and looked in the mirror. He had just told his best friends his darkest secret. He felt a weight lift off his shoulders. He felt relieved.

  
\-----  
  
  
They were being swarmed by fans out in the street and Ethan was already feeling overwhelmed. They were yelling at him to take photos when one boy no older than twelve asked him about his dad. 

"Why did your dad leave?" The boy asked. "Is it because he's a bad person?"

Ethan felt all his breath leave his body. Tears clouded his eyes and he searched for any of the other Sidemen. His hands shook and moved his way towards Simon.

"Excuse me." He pleaded to the crowd. He whimpered and tapped Simon's shoulder. Simon instantly knew what was wrong and helped move out of the crowd and somewhere private.

"Someone asked why my dad left. There was so many of them." Ethan whimpered. His breaths quickened as he fell to the floor in the bathroom. Simon panicked and put to the group chat that Ethan needed help.

Simon tried to speak Ethan through his panic attack. But Ethan couldn't hear him. All he could hear was the thumping of his heart reminding him that he was alive, it was right in his ears. Ethan suddenly pressed his hands to his ears and rocked back and forth.

Simon reached for Ethan's wrists but he flinched away as the other men walked in.

Josh immediately knew what to do and sat behind Ethan and pulled him down to rest against his chest. Josh exaggerated his breathing so Ethan could feel it.

He took Ethan's hand and squeezed it to ground him. Ethan followed along slowly and tried to regain his breath. He began getting frustrated and scratched anxiously at his wrist. Josh once again pulled Ethan's wrist away and place it on his side.

Vik was reciting breathing exercises for Ethan to follow along to. "In for four, hold for five, out for six."

Ethan took a shuddering breath.

"They know." Ethan shuddered. "They know something about dad! They keep asking about him." His sentences came out in simple huffs of breath.

"Don't talk about it now," Simon said. "Wait until you've calm down."

Ethan took a few deep breaths and shook as he calmed down. Vik and Josh continued to guide Ethan through his panic attack. Ethan stood up slowly and looked at the mirror.

"Shit." He muttered. He turned on the tap and threw water in his face.

"Sorry guys," Ethan said softly.

"No worries. You did the right thing coming to me." Simon smiled.

"I almost cried in front of those twelve-year-olds for fuck sake." Ethan threw his hands up and covered his face.

"Cmon mate. I doubt anyone noticed!" Simon pointed out.

"Where's Harry and JJ?" Ethan asked.

"They're on watch, making sure no one comes in," Josh explained briefly.

"Jesus, you trust them?" Ethan huffed out a laugh.

The men chuckled before Simon squinted his eyes.

"So, what caused that out there?" He asked.

Ethan looked down, avoiding eye contact. "A boy asked about my dad and asked if he was a bad person. They know something."

"It's just kids being nosy, mate. No need to worry." Josh shrugged, nonchalantly.

"Yeah, sorry. I've been more on edge recently. He's due to get out soon, you know?" Ethan whispered.

"Shit, really? Josh asked. "Do you have a restraining order set?" 

Ethan shook his head. "Doubt he even remembers me so I haven't bothered."

"Ethan," Vik started sternly. "If you get the restraining order it might put peace to your mind."

"I'm just being overdramatic. It's fine." Ethan smiled sadly. 

"No your not," Tobi said. "You're working through a trauma, allow yourself to go through it!"

"How has it taken me twenty years to get through a trauma then?" Ethan yelled. "Fuck this, I'm going home."

"Ethan!" Tobi yelled out after the man who pushed open the door and ran out. He got into the closest taxi and drove away leaving his puzzled friends behind.

Later that night, Tobi got a phone call from Ethan. It was one in the morning and Tobi had been woken up by the consistent ringing and notifications come through on his phone.

He answered the call, rubbing tiredly at his eyes.

"Hello?"

"Hey mate, um, sorry to wake you." Ethan's mumbles came through the receiver.

"You alright mate?" Tobi asked.

"Um, I don't feel safe on my own at the moment." Ethan sobbed into the phone. 

"Shit, man. It's okay I'm coming over!" Tobi quickly threw on a jumper and some shoes and ran out of the house to his car. 

"Want to keep talking?" Tobi asked as he put the phone on speaker.

Ethan let out a small cry. "I thought I could hear shit outside and mum texted me letting me know that he's out." Ethan sobbed a bit. "What if he breaks in and tries to kill me again?"

"Hey c'mon man, stay with me, man," Tobi said. "How about I get the guys to come round and we'll have a massive sleepover, yeah?"

"You make us sound like a twelve-year-old girl!" Ethan joked, sniffing slightly.

"Look I'm texting the guys now and they'll be on their way to yours as soon as possible."

"Alright." Ethan sighed softly.

"Okay, I'm pulling into yours now. Make sure your door is on latch but I'll knock before I come in," Tobi said before hanging up.

An hour later, the men had arrived and piled Ethan with love. JJ ordered pizza, Simon had put on some background music and they talked for a couple of hours about everything and nothing.

Ethan was the first one to doze off, shortly followed by the others.

When Ethan woke up, he watched as the other men slept peacefully. He moved towards the kitchen to get a glass of water. Ethan realised that he didn't need to worry about his shitty dad, he had an amazing family right there, and he knew this one wouldn't hurt him.


End file.
